The idea here is to start writing.
Remember, as long as you give in, the ideas will come. If nothing is calling your name, then you can find out by writing.
But it’s hard to write when you start believing everything you say is utter dogshit.
I know I’m smart enough to see crap when it’s there, and this is crap.
Kill it with kindness, I said to myself.
What I say makes sense, it just needs to be edited.
This is why writing it’s easier than talking, wowie! I wish there was a control (cmd) + Z for speaking; that’s a proper skill, yo.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with Tyler about the Bootcamp, my past, and how I deal with anxiety, which he believes is commendable that I share so openly.
For me, it’s a battle with my own self. Continually thinking I’m not good enough, to the point of shying away from work or starting and never finishing.
I know it’s a battle that I will always have to fight because it will never go away, I said to Tyler. I make friends with the anxiety and try to expose it, this way I can pinpoint what is actually going on.
Anxiety happens when my body gets triggered by an invisible danger, like a terrible impossible sense of doom, even in the safest places. My body feels like it’s about to die, which is my biggest fear, coupled with the oh-not-so-fun panic attacks from time to time.
I wake up sweating, I think I have a heart attack, and then I drink a glass of water because I already know the drill. Drinking water stops it because I know I’m not dying, it’s just a body response to some trauma relived in a dream. Don’t even get me started about dreams.
But full-blown panic attacks, the ones in which you forget how to breathe, those are debilitating as hell.
Having observed myself for long enough time, I’m able to see the patterns and triggers. This way, I’ve been able to associate or reframe the feeling with more positive things.
This is why I work on optimizing myself because the more tools I can get in my arsenal, the more I’m likely to, not only survive, but thrive.
This is also why I say Notion saved my life. Not only I have a great tool that helps me deal with my brain, but it also introduced me to the KINDEST community I’ve ever been a part of.
Can you believe I haven’t received ONE hate message? Just a couple of creepy ones.
Having a community that backs you up as much as you support and bring value to them is beautiful and it may be the key to having the will to keep living.
I didn’t think I was going to get here when I started writing. My goal was to reach 500 words.
Perhaps I’m not as shit as I thought.
And I guess that’s the beauty of writing, you figure stuff out, you realize nothing is as bad as you thought and you feel more confident in the end.
If in the odd chance you find that it IS worse than you thought, then make a plan, you’ll be able to handle it.
Just start writing and find it out for yourself.
