Some say that a typical feminine characteristic is to show compassion. It is part of the patriarchal script that places us in that role of taking care of others, of being sensitive to the needs of others, of having others in mind, among other things.
It becomes a gender stereotype more because men are also capable of showing that interest and empathy for the other as well as women. But what I want to do is highlight how little we show that compassion for ourselves.
We belittle ourselves of what little we do, or how bad things are, or the fraud that we think we are… it’s like a soap opera drama of characters who are so indulgent and so hard on themselves. For this reason, I am going to give you a series of recommendations so that you never fall to that victimization and learn to love yourself.
These tips will go over the three main areas: Body, Language, and Emotion.
Body
- Stand up straight, shoulders aligned, back straight, head held high. Walk with energy, breathe deeply. Every time a thought of self-criticism or aggression towards you comes to you, change the position. The brain will receive the message that you are on guard.
- Practice Mindfulness. This helps you pay attention to what you verbalize and how it impacts your corporeality, in the long run, you will be able to change negative thoughts for other types of messages.
- Accept your body as it is. Do not compare yourself with media models and live your corporeality with freedom. Stay healthy but do not expect to be a TV model or feel bad about that. It is part of the macho message to make us believe that if we do not look like they want, something is wrong.
- Eat healthily. Unhealthy snacks make us depressed and feel terrible. Break the cycle of sugars and caffeine in excess. No crazy diets. Life looks different from fruits, vegetables, proteins, and fiber carbohydrates.
Language
- Learn to disagree with the people who criticize you. Surround yourself with people who care about your success.
- Make a list of the people that most nurture and encourage you in your life, make a little effort and send them a message to keep them close and in touch.
- Think about this:
- You’re not alone. You’re not the only one who feels what you’re feeling
- Your mistakes are part of your learning
- Do not compare yourself with others, because you are not them
- Your weaknesses are a characteristic of your way of being
- There is no unique and correct way of doing things
- Look at your past with the eyes of a historian and highlight the most interesting passages
- Express your anger in a creative way towards the source of the pain, but not to yourself
- Defend what you think and what you believe, even if it is not a popular idea
- Do not underestimate your talent even if you have to try 1000 times
Emotion
- When you feel fear or anger with yourself, prepare a tea and sit down to drink it calmly analyzing what you are thinking. Breathe. Re-analyze it and identify if there are reasons to blame you for what you are feeling. Breathe. Let go.
- Do activities where you feel you are very good at them. Live them with full attention. Emphasize your qualities, as you usually do with other people when they have remarkable performances. Enjoy the moment.
- Set small and daily goals. Sometimes we suffer because we set too ambitious goals and feel powerless. But some days we don’t even realize the great things we do. Each night review your list and congratulate yourself on what has been achieved, do not scold yourself for what has not been achieved, surely there was a reason. But do not stay with that thought but with one of the achievements. Stay in the positive!
- Transcend. Do not stay in the little things. See the big picture. Do not torture yourself trying to be perfect or someone who you are not. Whatever happened, happened. But what has not happened, will come eventually.
Self-compassion, we need it.
